


Words

by Reinie



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: auphasiaAU!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 11:31:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17938895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reinie/pseuds/Reinie
Summary: Would you still talk when no one understands you?





	Words

“Good morning, can I take your-,” Mingyu’s face lit up when he lifted his head from the computer screen to see Jeonghan standing infront of him, beaming that blazing smile as usual. 

“Morning, Jeonghan. Your usual?”

Jeonghan nodded, “King glory dollar,” a slight pause with a bigger smile, “yes.”

Mingyu nodded as he keyed in the order, “Okay, so a large iced caramel macchiato and,” Mingyu looked up before he continued, “the same for Seungcheol as well?”

Jeonghan nodded again, “Yes, japan polar bear.”

Mingyu bopped his head in understanding, “Okay, a large iced americano for Seungcheol. Would you like a slice of our banana chocolate cake? It is freshly baked.”

Jeonghan shook his head, smile still intact, “Eight o’clock slim,” he paused, his features frowning in concentration for a moment, “Sung-cheol”, he said, voice a little unsure, features tensed until Mingyu nodded encouragingly. 

Jeonghan sighed with a relieved smile before he continued, “sugar smile paper white dentures green.”

Mingyu chuckled, “I think he’ll still love you even if you are toothless and the size of an elephant.”

Jeonghan wrinkled his nose and squinted his eyes as he stuck out his tongue childishly while at the same time, held out his card to Mingyu. 

Mingyu ignored him as he finished keying in the order.

“Anyway, that’s one large iced caramel macchiato and one large iced americano. You can pick it up over there,” Mingyu gestured to the side counter with a tilt of his head.

Jeonghan’s eyes narrowed further as he waved his card in front of Mingyu’s face. Mingyu rolled his eyes as he gently pushed the card away.

“You know that I will never accept your money so let’s not repeat this every morning and hold up the line?” his gentle tone was void of malice and Jeonghan sighed in defeat.

“I give five years seven two, three card one money,” Jeonghan muttered as he kept his card.

Mingyu nodded, smile a little sad, “I know but I want to do this anyway,” he brightened up before he continued, “have a nice day Jeonghan! See you tomorrow!”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes at the obvious dismissal before he gave Mingyu a big smile, a wave and went to the side counter to pick up his order. 

Mingyu was still grinning as he greeted his next customer.

“Good morn-”

“How the hell did you understand a word of that?” the customer asked rather rudely.

Mingyu kept his smile intact as he answered the customer tersely. 

“I understand him just fine,” he answered as he glanced at the computer screen, “so what would your order be, sir?”

The customer frowned but shrugged it aside as he placed his order. Mingyu quickly keyed in the order for the customer in order to get to the next customer. It took half an hour before the line infront of Mingyu cleared. Mingyu moved to the cake station to see if any of the cakes need to be replenished and as he looked past the clear display case, he could see Seungcheol and Jeonghan huddled together in one of the booths. Jeonghan was holding his camera, showing Seungcheol something on the viewfinder, speaking excitedly as Seungcheol nodded along, a small but proud smile on his lips. 

Even without hearing a word of their conversation, he knew that, unlike him, Seungcheol understood Jeonghan perfectly - Seungcheol was the one who gave Mingyu a small notebook and clued Mingyu in on how to decipher Jeonghan.

It had been so long since the accident and while both Seungcheol and Jeonghan had forgiven him, Mingyu finds it hard to forgive himself. Jeonghan joked that he could compensate them with free coffee every morning and Mingyu took it seriously. He made damn sure that Jeonghan and Seungcheol would never lack coffee and he would never take a cent from them because he knew that even serving them free coffee every hour for the rest of their lives would never make up for changing the couple’s lives forever. 

…

Jeonghan lives his life in the fast lane - literally and figuratively. He was forever dashing from one place to another and even when sitting still, his fingers would drum the table to an imaginary rhythm or twirl a pen unconsciously. 

He believes in making the most of his time, joining every club in university, going every party and also taking as many subjects as humanly possible. He wants to make the most of his university life and believes in going after what he wants so when he met Seungcheol in a cafe, sitting by himself with headphones on while staring at a book, Jeonghan unabashedly made his way over and took the headphones off Seungcheol’s head. He introduced himself smoothly, despite Seungcheol staring daggers at him, and then proceeded to invite him out for a date. Seungcheol, obviously, turned him down - not before taking back his headphones and grabbing his book. But Jeonghan was not one to be deterred and after months of relentless wooing and, eventually, some understanding of what makes Seungcheol tick, did Seungcheol finally agree on a date. 

One date turned to two and after a year of slow but surprisingly - to Jeonghan - enjoyable dating did they make it official. Jeonghan had half-jokingly complained that Seungcheol was too slow in everything and Seungcheol retaliated that speed is not everything and that he should slow down. He didn’t realise how right Seungcheol was until the day he met with an accident. 

It was just another normal day. Jeonghan was rushing to the kindergarten, a job that he got after university. He had been working as a kindergarten teacher for two years and for those two years, instead of crossing the road at the traffic light two streets down then make his way back up to the school, Jeonghan took the easy route of dashing across the road. 

The road was mostly deserted, with the occasional car and besides, Jeonghan had jaywalked a million times and nothing had happened.

It took that million and one time to prove Jeonghan wrong. 

Mid-way through crossing, Jeonghan heard the blare of a horn before he saw the car a few feet away from him. Instead of quickening his steps, he froze. Distantly, he remembered once scoffing at the tv screen when he saw a drama about how a girl froze in the middle of the road before the car plowed into her. He had remarked to Seungcheol that the girl should have just moved away instead of standing there like a block of wood. 

After that, all he felt was pain, pain so excruciating that it was a miracle he had not blacked out. He laid on the asphalt, bloody and struggling to breathe after being thrown like a ragdoll after the crash. Before he lost consciousness from the pain splintering through every inch of his body, Jeonghan made a mental note to tell Seungcheol, if he survives this, that the script writers were really accurate. 

But he didn’t tell Seungcheol that when he next woke up in a hospital bed, covered in bandages with numbing pain coursing through his body. 

He couldn’t tell Seungcheol because of his fractured jaw and the many missing teeth due to the accident.

It took a month worth of surgeries and a pair of dentures that Jeonghan hated wearing before Jeonghan was allowed to speak. 

But the wait and the discomfort from the dentures were worth it because he could finally reassure Seungcheol and his family that he was alright. Especially Seungcheol who hadn’t left his side ever since the accident.

He had expected them to be relieved when he spoke, not the confused faces and the puzzled looks they gave each other.

“Are you okay, Jeonghan?” Seungcheol asked as he held Jeonghan’s hand.

Jeonghan gave a soft chuckle as he jokingly replied that he would have been a lot better without the accident and multiple surgeries but since he had them, he wasn’t feeling that bad.

Seungcheol didn’t laugh, he didn’t even smile as he gripped Jeonghan’s hand tighter. 

“Jeonghan, do you know where you are?” the doctor asked instead as he walked towards Jeonghan, voice while calm had an undertone of worry. 

Jeonghan rolled his eyes as he replied that he definitely wasn’t in a hotel.

Again, that stunned expression was mirrored on everyone’s face and Jeonghan was starting to get annoyed. Seungcheol squeezed his hand, seemingly as a sign of reassurance that Jeonghan didn’t understand. 

“It’s okay, baby. Everything is going to be okay. Everything is okay,” he repeated and the assurance only made Jeonghan more annoyed. His annoyance increased as the doctor who had witnessed everything asked him a bunch of questions and even after he answered them, everyone was still looking at him in confusion. 

What the hell is going on? Jeonghan yelled as he gripped Seungcheol’s hand, his eyes going from Seungcheol to his parents and the doctor before going back to Seungcheol.

Seungcheol just shook his head as he reached over to cup Jeonghan’s face gently, brushing away a few tears that Jeonghan did not realise he had shed.

“Jeonghan calm down. Don’t hurt your jaw.”

The doctor agreed with Seungcheol and informed that he would arrange for an MRI and an assortment of tests before he can diagnose Jeonghan. And as the doctor walked away, his parents approached his bed and held Jeonghan’s free hand.

“You’re going to be okay Jeonghan. It’s going to be okay.”

And Jeonghan knew that despite surviving the accident, he had not escaped unscathed. 

…

Conduction aphasia.

After the series of tests the doctor puts him through, Jeonghan realised that he couldn’t draw or write what he was thinking. He also realised that he could only say certain single syllable words for certain and he had problems enunciating others. Also, no one, except for himself, understood a word of what he was saying. 

The doctor informed that the accident had damaged a part of his brain, the part that was responsible for language comprehension and had impaired his speech. While the earlier scans had not shown anything, it was possible that the damage only showed itself a few days after the impact and the condition had gone unnoticed as Jeonghan was unable to speak because of his jaw.

The doctor explained that Jeonghan could be saying ‘ice cream’ but what comes out of his mouth could be ‘whipped polar’. And while Jeonghan understood everything that everyone around him was saying, his reply would a jumble of words that made no sense to anyone but himself.

And because of his condition, he had also obtained agraphia, the inability to write. The doctor said that there was a possibility that it could be temporary and he will arrange for a speech therapy to help Jeonghan. He also recommended a support group to help Jeonghan through this time and assured Jeonghan that many people with aphasia can still continue to live their lives normally. 

Jeonghan, however, didn’t believe that. He was past absorbing any of the information after he heard the doctor’s diagnosis, stunned into a state of muted shock as he realised the extent of his condition. And it was in this state of shock that he remained in for the next three days, refusing to talk to anyone, a blank expression on his face. 

When Seungcheol tried to coax him into talking, Jeonghan would fly into a rage as he screamed and yelled at Seungcheol. And through it all, Seungcheol did not retaliate once, only holding onto Jeonghan’s hand tightly as he nodded along to Jeonghan’s rant. Eventually, Jeonghan would tire of his screaming and he would fall into a listless sleep, gripping onto Seungcheol’s hand tightly. 

…

Jeonghan was discharged from the hospital two months after the accident. The driver, a young man who owned a cafe, had visited Jeonghan at the hospital to apologise profusely to Jeonghan and his family. Everyone knows that it was an accident and the person truly at fault was Jeonghan so despite Jeonghan’s state, no one really blamed the young man. And as for Jeonghan, he just stared at the man with glassy eyes before looking away. The man offered to pay for Jeonghan’s medical bills and the family only accepted it to relieve the man’s guilt. 

On the day of discharge, Seungcheol was apprehensive on whether Jeonghan would be adapt back to normal life. He was glad, of course, to have Jeonghan out of the hospital, but Jeonghan no longer smiled or laughed or react, at all, to anything. Jeonghan had been angry and that was a given, considered what was taken from him, but after the anger was a desolation that Seungcheol couldn’t seem to pull Jeonghan out of. 

The doctors assured him and Jeonghan’s family that there was only so much medicine can do and a return to normalcy could possibly be the push that he needs to relook at his situation and pick himself up. 

And until he does that, Seungcheol took it upon himself to be Jeonghan’s caretaker in all aspects of his life. Seungcheol quit his job and took up freelancing instead so that he could take care of Jeonghan. He made sure that Jeonghan had a schedule and was occupied at all times. 

He would wake Jeonghan up early and drag him out for a jog. It wasn’t easy at first, Jeonghan refused to budge and only when Seungcheol carried Jeonghan out of the door while the man was still in his pyjamas did Jeonghan begrudgingly change into a t-shirt and running pants. Even then, Jeonghan’s footsteps were sluggish and he looked at everything with bored dead eyes. 

After their walk, they would make breakfast together. Or rather, Seungcheol would make breakfast and try to make conversation with Jeonghan while Jeonghan just slump himself on the breakfast bar and look at Seungcheol potter around the kitchen. 

After breakfast which Jeonghan ate barely a few bites, Seungcheol drove Jeonghan to the rehabilitation center where Jeonghan would meet up with the support group as well as attend his speech therapy and sign language classes. Seungcheol knew that Jeonghan wouldn’t talk during the session but he hoped that at least seeing people in the same situation as him would help Jeonghan see that he was not alone in his condition. 

And while Jeonghan was at the center, Seungcheol would check to see if there were any jobs that Jeonghan could do, jobs that he would be comfortable with and did not require him to speak. It was not that they were strapped for cash but going back to work would bring some normalcy back to Jeonghan’s life and also make him interact with other people. Because Jeonghan couldn’t go back to the kindergarten, Seungcheol had asked the kindergarten to keep him updated if there were other opportunities that were suitable for Jeonghan. The school had been been helpful and offered non-teaching opportunities that they would welcome Jeonghan back to. His class also created a collage of photos and notes from the kids that Jeonghan cared for with well wishes for Jeonghan to get better soon. Seungcheol thought that the book would cheer Jeonghan up but when he showed it to Jeonghan, Jeonghan lost his temper instead and tore the book up before collapsing into an inconsolable babbling pile on the floor. Seungcheol gently picked Jeonghan up and after tucking him into bed and coaxing him to sleep, Seungcheol picked up the torn pages of the book and spent all night taping the book back together because he knows that Jeonghan will one day want to look at this again. 

3pm was the time that Seungcheol had to pick Jeonghan up from the center and as per usual, the car ride home was as silent as the car ride to the center. Seungcheol hummed along to the radio, hoping that maybe Jeonghan would join in but Jeonghan never did. 

Once home, he made a small snack which the two ate in silence at their usual spot at the breakfast bar. When done, Seungcheol would drag Jeonghan to the spare bedroom which he re-fashioned as a recreation room. He had stocked up the room with art supplies, games - video, board and card -, and books so that Jeonghan could keep himself occupied. He had read that people who suffered from aphasias needed an outlet to express themselves and art was a good outlet. Seungcheol almost shouted for joy when Jeonghan picked up a brush but his joy was shortlived as Jeonghan just painted the entire canvas black. In fact, he painted all the canvases in the room black. Despite this, it did not stop Seungcheol from buying more canvases and paints of every colour in the hope that Jeonghan will one day see beyond his bleak outlook. 

Dinner would roll by the same way as all their meals and Jeonghan would head for bed. He would hold Jeonghan until the man slept before he crept out of bed and work on his freelance work, editing transcripts and working on the book that he started since Jeonghan’s accident. He typed through the night, creeping back into bed a few hours before Jeonghan wakes. 

It was exhausting, both physically and mentally, but Seungcheol would not give up even though it seemed like Jeonghan already had. 

…

Jeonghan both loves and hates Seungcheol’s patience. 

He hates it because Jeonghan wakes up everyday to the realisation that everything has changed and he feels utterly alone in his existence. He hears people talk in the park when he goes for the morning walks that Seungcheol drags him to and his heart bleeds at how he’ll never be able to talk like those people and be understood. He hears stories during his support group about them living normal lives and having supportive families but he also sees the way their smiles were a little tighter at the unspoken realisation that they could never tell their loved ones how much they appreciate them. It was made worse when he realised, through his therapy sessions, that his agraphia, unlike what the doctor said, was permanent and that bare glimmer of hope that he could at least write to express himself was cruelly crushed. 

He knows that Seungcheol was trying so hard to keep him occupied and using art as an outlet but one look at the white canvas and Jeonghan feels mad. Mad because a blank canvas holds so much hope and opportunity while Jeonghan feels none in his situation so he paints everything black to reflect the emptiness and hollowness he feels. 

And when he falls asleep, he feels overwhelming guilt at holding onto Seungcheol; dragging him down into his own abyss of despair, unable to give Seungcheol the future that they had wanted to create together. 

But, if not for Seungcheol’s patience, for standing by him despite his withdrawal, Jeonghan would not have lived through that period in his life.

The turning point for them came on another normal day in their recreation room. Jeonghan was standing infront of the canvas, painting every inch of it black while Seungcheol was sitting on the couch, tapping away on his laptop, occasionally looking up at Jeonghan’s work. Looking at the pitch black of his canvas, Jeonghan felt suffocated and started to hyperventilate. He squatted on the floor and soon, tears fell unbidden as he struggled to breathe, fingers digging painfully into his palm. 

Seungcheol immediately got off the couch and ran to Jeonghan, holding him firmly while coaxing him to relax and breathe. And while Seungcheol’s comfort was usually, well, comforting, at that moment, it felt like another suffocating layer on Jeonghan’s already splintered nerves. 

Get lost! Jeonghan screamed, why the hell are you still here?! 

Seungcheol tightened his grip, his voice calm even as Jeonghan saw the fear in his eyes.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s-”

It’s not okay! Jeonghan screeched, you don’t even understand a word I’m saying! No one understands a word I’m saying! How can it be okay?!

“Jeonghan, I do understand the words you say,” Seungcheol replied softly. 

Jeonghan shook his head in disbelief, You’re lying. No one understands me. No one can possibly understand me! 

“Jeonghan, I’m not lying,” Seungcheol replied in that same soft soothing tone and Jeonghan desperately wants to believe. He wants to believe that he is having a normal conversation with Seungcheol and Seungcheol is not just guessing his words and saying things based on his behavior. 

But he can’t and Jeonghan struggles to keep from sinking into unconsciousness. And it seems that Seungcheol knows that Jeonghan was about to blackout from anxiety again as Seungcheol gripes Jeonghan tight, as though his grip was the only thing keeping him conscious.

“Take deep breaths. Breathe with me. Calm down, Jeonghan. Calm down and I will show you proof that I understand you. Breathe Jeonghan, please.”

Jeonghan’s breath hitched as he took a shuddering breath, trying to calm himself as he gripped Seungcheol’s shirt, holding onto Seungcheol like the anchor he had been since the accident.

You don’t understand me, no one understands me, Jeonghan repeated brokenly as he collapsed in Seungcheol’s embrace, shuddering uncontrollably.

Seungcheol rubbed his back, all the while making soothing noises as he helped Jeonghan up and settled him on the couch. 

He continued to hold Jeonghan close, rubbing his back until Jeonghan’s breathing regulated and he was no longer trembling. 

“You feeling okay?”

Jeonghan gave a soft snort, shaking his head, I will never feel okay, he muttered. 

Seungcheol nodded, more out of habit than replying to Jeonghan’s words, “I’ll get you something sweet to drink,” but the moment he tried to get up, Jeonghan’s grip on his shirt tighten, his face ashen as he shook his head vehemently.

“I’m just going to get you something to drink, baby,” Seungcheol explains but as Jeonghan’s face remained resolutely ashen, Seungcheol gave in with a small sight before Jeonghan relaxed back into his arms. 

They sat like that for awhile, the only sound in the room is the hum coming from the air-conditioner overhead. Jeonghan was about to fall into another of his restless sleep before Seungcheol nudges him gently.

“I want to show you something,” Seungcheol said as he reaches to pick up the laptop that he had abandoned earlier, opening up the device with one hand as the other was still firmly wrapped around Jeonghan’s shoulders. 

Jeonghan watched silently as Seungcheol moves the cursor with the touchpad, opening up a folder and then a document titled simply titled ‘Words’.

His eyes narrowed in confusion as he read, Seungcheol slowly scrolling the document every now and then.

“I started this after the doctor told us about your condition,” Seungcheol said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I can only imagine how lonely it would be to not be understood, so I wrote down every word that you said and tried to make sense of it. Your speech therapist told me that your words could sometimes rhyme, be a continuation or mean the opposite. So I tried to decipher your words based on that and your tone, behavior and mood when the words were spoken.”

Seungcheol paused to close the document and shut the laptop, putting it aside again. He then looked at Jeonghan who was determinedly looking at a spot on the floor, refusing to look at Seungcheol’s eyes.

“I know that I don’t understand you but that doesn’t mean I can’t. Teach me, Jeonghan, teach me your words and let me understand you. Let me in, baby.”

Jeonghan chewed on his bottom lip, brows furrowed, mind awhirl. Is it possible, could it work? What if it doesn’t work and Jeonghan loses his patience again? Or worse, Seungcheol eventually loses his patience with Jeonghan and decides that Jeonghan wasn’t worth the trouble after all?

Seungcheol reach out and took Jeonghan’s hand so that it was in Jeonghan’s line of sight.

“Hand,” Seungcheol stated, giving the hand a gentle shake. 

Jeonghan frowned and tried to snatch his hand away, only for Seungcheol to hold it tighter. 

“Jeonghan, please, teach me,” and with a soft pained sigh, he repeated, “hand.”

Jeonghan released an angry whine as he tried to wring his hand free, It doesn’t work like that! Let go!

Seungcheol just held on tighter, now grabbing onto Jeonghan’s hand with both of his own. 

“Baby, please,” Seungcheol plead, “Don’t shut me out. Hand,” he repeated, voice a little more strained.

You don’t understand me! You can’t understand me! You will get tired of me and leave me! Jeonghan yelled as he tried to push Seungcheol away with his free hand while yanking back his captured one.

“I won’t leave you!” Seungcheol yelled back, obviously reaching his limits, “I won’t leave you!” he repeated as his hold on Jeonghan’s hand bordered on pain, “I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU IF YOU WON’T LET ME!!”

Jeonghan stilled, finally lifting his head to look at Seungcheol and he knew that Seungcheol’s vision was as blurry as his own, heavy tears veiling their sight.

I’m sorry, Jeonghan whimpered, I’m sorry, don’t leave me, please don’t leave me, I’m sorry.

“Jeonghan,” Seungcheol whispered, letting go of Jeonghan’s hand to pull the sobbing man into his embrace, “I won’t leave you, I promise. I just need you to let me in.”

He holds Jeonghan through his broken sobs and when Jeonghan’s sobs lessens, he pushes Jeonghan away gently and again, picks up Jeonghan’s hand. 

“Hand,” he repeats, voice firm and more than a note of pleading.

Jeonghan whines and he snatches his hand back instinctively. And to his surprise, Seungcheol didn’t hold on to his hand. 

Jeonghan’s breath hitched at that realisation but before he could panic, Seungcheol holds on to his hand again and squeezes it reassuringly. 

“I promise, not going to leave you, no matter what. Let me in. Jeonghan, please.” 

With a sigh, he lifts up the captured hand gently.

“Hand.” 

Jeonghan sighs, feeling all types of emotion whirling inside him, making him anxious and nauseous and fearful. And the worst emotion of all was hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, this could work and they could have go back to the life they had and Jeonghan could have control over his life again. 

But hope was so fragile and so improbable. 

It doesn’t work like this, Jeonghan mutters but he didn’t pull his hand away.

“We won’t know if you don’t let me in, Jeonghan. Let me relearn you.”

It won’t work, Jeonghan’s voice was barely a whisper but Seungcheol heard him anyway.

“Jeonghan, please. Let me love you. I miss you so much.”

Jeonghan’s heart broke at the same time his walls crumbled.

“Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan blinked away the new tears.

Seungcheol raised Jeonghan’s captured hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of his hand.

“Hand,” he repeated, the unspoken please echoed in his watery pleading eyes.

Jeonghan exhaled harshly, tears rolling down his cheeks like a stream as he opened his mouth.

“Black.”

And at that single word, Seungcheol’s lips stretched into a blinding smile as he pulled Jeonghan into his arms, chanting ‘thank you’s’ as he kissed every inch of Jeonghan’s face. 

Jeonghan laughed a little, his first laugh since the accident and it was as though a weight was lifted on him. No doubt, his soul was still heavy and there were still so many problems he would face in the future but something in Seungcheol’s kisses assured him that if he lets him, Seungcheol would always be there to help him with his load, no matter how heavy.

…

To say that life was perfect after that day was a lie. In fact, it got harder as Jeonghan had to make an effort to express himself. He couldn’t speak as fast as he wants to and he often has to mime certain words to get his point across. He also had to be patient and wait for Seungcheol to understand. All of this made him feel both silly and stupid. And it didn’t help that Seungcheol kept trying his best to protect Jeonghan. 

This was especially apparent on their first outing out of the house. When Seungcheol suggested going to the supermarket to stock up on groceries, Jeonghan was both excited and apprehensive to leave the house. Before the accident, he only stayed home when he couldn’t drag Seungcheol out of the house. After he was discharged from the hospital, he only left the house for the daily walks and the visit to the rehabilitation center. So to say that he was excited to leave the house for something besides the usual was an understatement.

However, leaving the house meant he would see people and he may need to speak. And even if he doesn’t speak to other people, he talks to Seungcheol and people would look and point at him when they hear him. 

But he saw Seungcheol’s face and he knew that Seungcheol only suggested going to the supermarket because he wants Jeonghan to get accustomed to leaving the house; they had been getting groceries delivered for as long as Jeonghan could remember.

So he relented when Seungcheol suggested that they could get that brand of ice cream that Jeonghan likes. But he immediately regretted it when he reached the supermarket. It was 4pm on a Wednesday but yet the place was packed. Jeonghan felt overwhelmed and it seems like Seungcheol could sense it. 

“We can go to somewhere less crowded,” he whispered to Jeonghan as he squeezed their clasped hands. They were standing by the fruit section and Jeonghan had been staring at the oranges for the last five minutes. Not even touching them, just staring. 

Jeonghan sighed as he finally looked up. He shook his head and pulled Seungcheol to another section of the market. This repeated a few times with Jeonghan staring at one produce and moving to another before Jeonghan began to relax and started to finally put things into the basket that Seungcheol was holding. 

It was going okay until they reached the ice cream section where a child was leaning against the glass pointing out all the flavours to the adult next to her. Jeonghan guessed the adult is the mum. 

Jeonghan also guessed that the woman would get the child to move away when he approached. 

She didn’t. Instead, the woman nodded, smiling agonisingly sweet as the child pointed at a tub of chocolate mint chip ice cream and called it “pink ice team”. 

Repeatedly. 

Jeonghan cleared his throat loudly and with a small smile, pointed at the fridge, indicating, obviously, that he was trying to reach for his ice cream. 

The woman looked away from the child, smiled back at Jeonghan and immediately looked back at the child, nodding at another “pink ice team”.

Jeonghan frowned and his mouth was only half-open when Seungcheol stepped in.

“Excuse me, I am going to open the fridge,” one of Seungcheol’s hand already clutched around the handle. 

The woman blinked as she took in Seungcheol’s no-nonsence face and promptly took the child’s hand and pulled her away from the fridge. Once the child moved away from the door, Seungcheol pulled the fridge door open. 

“That one, right?” Seungcheol asked as he pointed at a tub on the top shelf. Jeonghan didn’t know why but his face heated up and he clenched his jaw. He nodded minutely and Seungcheol retrieved the ice cream and placed it in the basket. After closing the fridge door, Seungcheol reached for Jeonghan’s hand, only for the man to move away from his reach. It was like that for the rest of the next five minutes in the supermarket where Seungcheol tries to hold Jeonghan’s hand and Jeonghan moves out of his reach, face always turned away from him.

Worried and annoyed, Seungcheol grabbed Jeonghan’s hand, intending to get an answer out of Jeonghan for his behaviour. The writer learned from the beginning that if Jeonghan was acting out of behaviour, it was best to get it cleared ASAP. Otherwise, he may unintentionally leave Jeonghan pissed off for days and he was none the wiser. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Jeonghan twisted around, finally looking him in the eye for the first time since they were at the fridge, and yanked his hand away.

I don’t need you to protect me! Jeonghan yelled, I may have speech problems, but I’m still perfectly capable of standing up for myself! 

Seungcheol’s brow furrowed, “I know you can stand up for yourself baby. I just want to help you.”

I’ll ask for your help when I need your help! I don’t need you to do everything for me!

Seungcheol’s volume raised as well his annoyance and frustration getting the better of him.

“Well, excuse me for trying to help! Not everyone has a freaking dictionary to understand you. And how the hell do you think you can tell someone you have aphasia when you can barely say ice cream?!”

Jeonghan’s jaw tightened and he was about to give a rude rebuttal when he realised how silent the supermarket was. He looked around and realised everyone was staring at them, mostly at him. 

Pointing at him.

Whispering about him. 

Giving him weird looks. 

He even saw the woman and child from earlier, the woman holding the child in her arms tightly while the child clinged to the woman. Both were staring at him as thought he was crazy.

Jeonghan swallowed. This was his worst fear realised.

Seungcheol must have too noticed the situation because the man cleared his throat.

“He..”

“I,” Jeonghan began, cutting off Seungcheol’s words. He swallowed as he remembered all the times he practiced on how to pronounce the words if ever he were to be in such an occasion. 

“-afe wor-rick a-fae-xia,” Jeonghan swallowed again, praying that the words he said out loud were the words he wanted to say.

“Gooo-gle it.”

Without a another word, he walked out of the supermarket, leaving a dumbstruck Seungcheol and the rest of the crowd behind him. 

Jeonghan had forced himself to calmly walk out of the supermarket but once he was out of the supermarket, he knew that there was no way he could get himself home. He hadn’t thought to bring anything with him when Seungcheol suggested the trip to the supermarket and Seungcheol was also the one who drove him to said supermarket. 

Unless Jeonghan wants to walk home, he had to wait for Seungcheol.

So without a choice, he looked for Seungcheol’s car and sat on the curb behind it. Partly because his legs felt like giving in and he didn’t want to stand there looking awkward. 

He waited until he heard the beep that signalled the car doors were being unlocked. 

Jeonghan kept his eyes to the floor as he got up from the curb, opened the car door and slipped into the front passenger seat. He closed the door, buckled himself up and looked at his hands on his lap.

Throughout this, he could hear Seungcheol open the trunk, load the groceries, close the door, open the front door, finally slip into the driver seat and close that door. 

He hoped that Seungcheol would buckle himself in, drive them home and then they can talk about what happened at home. 

But, Jeonghan was never that lucky.

“Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan refused to look up, keeping his eyes on his hands. 

“Baby, can you please look at me?” Jeonghan could see Seungcheol taking one of his hands from his lap and Jeonghan stubbornly closed his eyes. 

Jeonghan could hear a tired sigh.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I..” there was another one of those tired sighs before Seungcheol continued.

“It’s just that you have been through so much and we have made progress and I really don’t want you to get hurt again, baby. I really don’t.”

Jeonghan felt Seungcheol take his hand away and Jeonghan almost reached out to stop him.

“You are the strongest person I know, Jeonghan. After the accident, I could not see that strength in you. It was like you just lost the will to live and I was so scared. I don’t know how to get your drive back. I tried so hard and nothing worked. And it was only recently that you started to be more receptive to the counselling and therapy sessions. We even started taking sign language classes together and..”

There was a long pause and Jeonghan could not resist opening his eyes. He turned his head towards Seungcheol and he saw the man with his eyes closed, tears streaking down his face, his head leaning against the headrest.

He saw Seungcheol’s adam apple bobbed and heard Seungcheol’s voice which was thick with tears and emotion.

“I just want you to be okay. I need you to be okay.”

Jeonghan’s tears followed as he reached out and cupped a side of Seungcheol’s face. Seungcheol’s eyes opened on contact and he turned his head towards Jeonghan.

It’s okay, baby. I’m okay, he assured Seungcheol, the pad of his thumb gently wiping away the tears.

More tear fells as Seungcheol leaned forward and buried his head into Jeonghan’s shoulder, ignoring the awkward position as his tears soaked Jeonghan’s shirt sleeve.

After the supermarket incident, the couple’s relationship grew stronger. Seungcheol had to remember that Jeonghan was an independent person. He had to remember that Jeonghan can protect himself and he just had to stay by Jeonghan’s side as the man did so. 

Seungcheol had to remind himself constantly when Jeonghan started doing consignment portraits. Turns out, when Jeonghan puts his mind to it, the man could actually paint very well. After Jeonghan showed his therapist some photos of his painting, the therapist referred him to a studio who was looking for painters to do consignment portraits. It seems that there was a growing number of requests from his clients who want something different from the normal photo portraits and paintings, much like fashion and lifestyle trends of the 80s and 90s, were back in style. One consignment turned into two and the numbers grew steadily. There was even a waitlist for Jeonghan’s paintings. 

Because Jeonghan’s job required him to talk to the client to make arrangements, he found ways to let the client know before they met him. Luckily for Jeonghan, his agraphia did turn out to be temporary. He would send his clients an email prior to the appointment to let them be aware of what to expect. And while he was unable to type or spell as fast as he used to, the online dictionary helped. He also prepared a tablet that he could write or type to communicate with his clients during the session. He would keep his words short and most of the clients were friendly and understanding. 

There was a client who was not as understanding and Seungcheol had to resist the urge to punch the client. Jeonghan took everything in his stride and calmly gave the man two options, he could stay and do as Jeonghan says so that he could get his portrait done or he could leave and get a full refund. The man choose to leave, not without muttering a “freak” before he slammed the door on his way out.

Jeonghan shrugged while Seungcheol seethed in anger. And when Seungcheol was still pissed off hours later, the artist wrapped his hands around Seungcheol’s waist and hugged him tight, repeating the words he said to Seungcheol in the car years ago. 

“Ish o-ay, bay-b. I m o-ay.”

And it was like that whenever Seungcheol got angry on Jeonghan’s behalf. Over the years, those occasions would decrease as Seungcheol learnt to trust Jeonghan and let go. 

With all those hurdles passed, there was still one hurdle in Jeonghan’s mind. And that hurdle was sex. 

Their intimacy was limited to hugs and kisses but nothing beyond that. Not that Jeonghan didn’t want to nor was Seungcheol unwilling, the man was more than willing, always holding himself back when Jeonghan gently pushed him away with a shake of his head when their kisses got too heated. 

The problem with intimacy was that Jeonghan was vocal in bed. And he dreads what he would say in the middle of sex and how it would turn Seungcheol off. Or worst. Jeonghan would die if Seungcheol laughs because of something Jeonghan said in bed. And while Jeonghan knows that Seungcheol would never laugh at him, it was still a fear that he could not overcome. 

And he overcame it one night, when they were snuggling on the couch. Seungcheol was playing with Jeonghan’s hair, running his fingers through the silky strands and massaging his scalp. The tingling sensation ran through his body, bordering between the comfortable range of relaxed and aroused. But after a particularly good scratch at the base of his skull which sent tingles straight to his groin, Jeonghan moaned softly and he got up to straddle Seungchel’s lap. 

Jeonghan leaned in, arms loose around Seungcheol’s neck as his fingers played with the fine hair at Seungcheol’s nape. Jeonghan’s eyes were hooded, eyeing Seungcheol lazily, unable to believe that such a wonderful man has been with him all this time. His eyes landed on Seungcheol’s lips and without thinking, his tongue flicked out to lick the puffy lips infront of him. Lapping languidly at Seungcheol’s lips, he knew how Seungcheol was resisting himself by how Seungcheol’s hands had moved from his waist to drop down to his hips, gripping hard to prevent from going towards Jeonghan’s butt.

“Jeonghan,” Seungcheol growled lowly, “You have to stop. Or I won’t be able to stop,” he warned.

Jeonghan smiled impishly before licking his lips. He leaned into Seungcheol, shaking his head as he rocked against the erection between his legs.

With a growl, Seungcheol flipped Jeonghan over, trapping his lover underneath him as Jeonghan giggled from the impact. 

“Minx,” Seungcheol scolded without heat as he captured Jeonghan’s mouth, battling with that infuriatingly sensuous tongue. Jeonghan retaliated by pulling at Seungcheol’s t-shirt, forcing Seungcheol to pull away so that he could yank away his clothes. Once done, Seungcheol’s mouth re-attached to Jeonghan’s, hands squeezing at Jeonghan’s buttocks, massaging the fleshy globes between his fingers. 

After Jeonghan’s lips were red, puffy and slicked with saliva, Seungcheol moved away from that bewitching mouth to attach to Jeonghan’s neck, licking at nipping at the junction between Jeonghan neck and shoulder, making Jeonghan writhe and squirm. Spurred by the little pants escaping Jeonghan’s lips, Seungcheol bit down and sucked at a point, making Jeonghan moan aloud. 

At the sound of the moan, Jeonghan’s clouded senses cleared and he immediately realized the direction of their makeout session, causing him to push Seungcheol away. He could hear Seungcheol curse from his position at his neck before slowly moving away, hovering over Jeonghan, out of breath as though he had just ran a marathon.

“Jeonghan?”

Jeonghan just stared helplessly back at Seungcheol, hands on his bare chest, panting as well. Not really wanting to let go but fearful of what will happen if they were to continue. 

Misreading Jeonghan’s slience, Seungcheol breaks the awkward silence with a gentle smile. Pressing a kiss to Jeonghan’s foreheard, he apologized, “I got a little carried away. Freaked you out huh? I’m sorry.”

Jeonghan’s almost wept from Seungcheol’s selflessness and he shook his head. 

Misreading again, Seungcheol shook his head as well. 

“It’s ok baby. I can wait.”

Jeonghan shook his head again, more urgently this time and to prevent Seungcheol from misunderstanding again, he put his hands around Seungcheol’s neck and prevent him from getting up.

“Baby?” Seungcheol’s tone was confused and rightly so.

Jeonghan sighed, his face reddending with very moment. 

I don’t want to say funny things when we’re having sex, he muttered, looking away from Seungcheol. 

Seungcheol raised his brows, his head tilted to one side, expression confused. 

Jeonghan huffed as he released his hold on Seungcheol and signed his earlier statement.

“I understood you the first time baby. What funny things are you talking about?”

Jeonghan nibbled his bottom lip, I don’t want to talk during sex and weird you out. You know, because of my condition.

Seungcheol closed his eyes and Jeonghan was confused until he realized that the man was shaking and then there was the tell-tale stretch of his lips and Jeonghan’s greatest fear was realized. 

Seungcheol was laughing at him.

Jeonghan’s face scrunched in a frown and he tried to push him away but Seungcheol landed on Jeonghan instead, trapping him below him as he vibrated with laughter. It was only when he noticed that Jeonghan was determinedly looking away from him and his eyes were wet with tears that Seungcheol stopped. 

“I’m sorry baby,” though his smirk was still there, “I’m not laughing at you, I swear. It’s just that,” he chuckled, “you have the most precious thoughts.”

Jeonghan was still looking away, expression miserable so Seungcheol cupped his lover’s face so that he would face him.

“Jeonghan, no offence, but I don’t give a fuck to what you say during sex.”

Jeonghan’s eyes met Seungcheol’s and he scowled. 

“No, don’t give me that expression. Seriously, you could be reciting the alphabet and I would still be turned on.”

Jeonghan’s expression softened to a pout. 

Seungcheol pressed a kiss to the pout, “For your information, I’m always turned on around you. I’m just waiting for you to be on the same page. Ánd if you’re afraid that I won’t understand what you’re trying to say,” Seungcheol grinded against Jeonghan, making Jeonghan moan and writhe, “don’t worry. There is this thing called body language and I’ve already mastered yours.”

Jeonghan flushed, one hand smacking his lover’s bare chest. 

Seungcheol grinned, taking that hand and kissing it. 

“So this is why you pushed me away all those times?”

Jeonghan nodded sheepishly and Seungcheol chuckled again.

“You know, you could have saved the both of us from blue balls if you just tell me.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes and Seungcheol just knew what Jeonghan was thinking.

“I know, it may sound weird but honestly, I want to know everything on your mind. Everything. I won’t laugh-” and he chuckled at Jeonghan’s pointed look.

“That doesn’t count,” he smirked, “so anyway, don’t hide from me. Tell me everything.”

“Ok, Jeonghan?” and Jeonghan nodded, his hand coming up to stroke Seungcheol’s face. Seungcheol leaned into the touch, kissing Jeonghan’s thumb when it went passed his lips. 

They just looked at each other, neither wanting to break the moment until Seungcheol moved Jeonghan’s hand from the side of his face to his mouth, kissing Jeonghan’s knuckles as he stared intently at Jeonghan.

“Tell me, what do you want to do now, Jeonghan?” and he pretended even as he licked a strip up Jeonghan’s palm, “maybe we could go for a movie or have a snack or..”

Jeonghan whined and pull Seungcheol to him. Right before their lips met, Jeonghan whispered, kiss me.

And Seungcheol did. Kiss and a lot more and when morning came, Jeonghan couldn’t deny it. 

Seungcheol was indeed a master of body language. 

... 

“Good afternoon Jeonghan, Seungcheol!” Mingyu greeted as the couple entered the cafe. 

The couple waved in greeting and Seungcheol pressed a kiss to Jeonghan’s lips before going to their usual table. Jeonghan grinned into the kiss then walked to the counter with a bright smile. 

“So a large iced caramel macchiato and a large iced americano? And I don’t care what you say, I’m going to give you a plate of our freshly baked cookies because you have to be a fool not to accept that. Our cookies are the best in the world!” Mingyu was already sliding open the cookie shelve as he spoke, fishing out an assortment of delicious treats and placing them on a plate. 

When he turned back to Jeonghan, the man was grinning more than usual and instead of confirming his order or denying the cookies, Jeonghan was pushing an envelope across the counter.

“Blue thunder white! I grain except a black,” Jeonghan tapped the envelope inpatiently as he grinned manically. 

Mingyu opened the envelope and inside was a beautiful white card with a red and gold ornate border. 

Yoon Jeonghan finally said “YES!” to Choi Seungcheol!  
Join this irritatingly happy couple as they FINALLY get hitched.

Mingyu didn’t know what to say to the wedding invitation. Of course, he was happy for the couple but he didn’t think he should attend the wedding. Not after what he did to Jeonghan. 

“Ink-yu,” Jeonghan interrupted his thoughts, “ease come to my wed-ing,” his words enunciated purposefully and slowly, probably having memorized the sentence earlier.

“Jeonghan,” Mingyu trailed off, slowly putting down the card, “I’m happy for the two of you but I don’t think I-”

Jeonghan shook his head, “come to my wed-ing,” he insisted, and he scrunched his face, as though trying to remember something before giving up with a shake of his head.

“Green flyer pencil two! Cloud basket red key square speaker clock paper file paint lock! Printer right!” Jeonghan rattled and Mingyu could not understand when Jeonghan speaks too fast and without context.

As though sensing something was wrong, Seungcheol came up to the counter and stood next to his fiance. 

“You okay?” he asked Jeonghan and Mingyu should thank his lucky stars that the cafe was quite empty and there wasn’t a queue because he really didn’t need another thing to worry about right now. 

Jeonghan shook his head and pouted, rambling a series of words that made no sense to Mingyu and unsurprisingly, Seungcheol nodded in understanding.

“Jeonghan really wants you to attend our wedding. Me too of course,” Seungcheol summarized Jeonghan’s rant.

“I’m really touched and honoured but I don’t think..” Mingyu trailed off, expression guilty and Seungcheol shook his head. 

“Mingyu, it’s already passed. If we can see pass that, you can too.”

“But,” Mingyu looked apprehensive, “I still don’t think.. you know,” he finished lamely. 

Seungcheol smiled enigmatically, “Well, we can’t have a wedding without our best man.”

Mingyu’s mouth opened and closed like a fish before chanting a series of “no”.

He jumped when Jeonghan smacked the counter top, expression furious.

“Chocolate two bay green! Twenty-two space control shifting back!”

“Baby,” Seungcheol’s soothing hand covered Jeonghan’s, “don’t freak him out. He’s already about to faint.” 

Jeonghan pouted but kept silent, holding onto Seungcheol’s hand, staring a hole into Mingyu’s soul.

“Mingyu,” Seungcheol calmly called back Mingyu’s attention, “we can’t change what happened but we made the best of our situation and we actually came out stronger for it,” he looked at Jeonghan, love shining in his eyes.

Turning back to Mingyu, “Have no doubt, what happened was horrible but what’s passed is passed and,” his voice lowered to a consipirical whisper, “it took me forever to convince Jeonghan to marry me and I’m gonna be pissed if I can’t get married just because someone doesn’t turn up. I will kill anyone who messes up my wedding.”

Mingyu gulped at the warning, unsure if Seungcheol was joking or not even as Jeonghan slapped his arm, cheeks pink. Seungcheol pressed a kiss to Jeonghan’s lips, grinning gummily and so bright that it was almost nauseating. 

“So, Mingyu, come to our wedding,” Seungcheol stopped Mingyu before he could protest, “and if you still feel odd about it, we also want to cater drinks and snacks from you for the reception. So, as the caterer, you have to turn up.”

“Erh..” Mingyu hesitated before he sighed, a wry smile on his lips, “fine. I’ll go, provided that you’ll accept the catering free of charge.”

Seungcheol said “Deal!” the same time Jeonghan yelled “No!”

Mingyu laughed as he crossed his arms in front of his chest in mock intimidation, “No free catering, no deal Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan whined while Seungcheol squeezed his hand. 

“He’ll have lots of business contacts, Jeonghan. He won’t lose out, baby.”

Jeonghan whined but after a stare-down with Mingyu which, thankfully, Jeonghan looked away first before Mingyu caved. He huffed, “Ok,” and stuck out his hand.

Mingyu stared at the hand wordlessly, that gesture speaking so much more than Mingyu could handle. 

“You’re supposed to shake it, Mingyu.”

Mingyu looked at Seungcheol with an open mouth, nodded then gingerly took Jeonghan’s hand. Jeonghan not only shook it but yanked Mingyu towards him, pulling him into a hug despite having a counter between them. Mingyu almost had to climb over the counter inorder to properly hug Jeonghan but it was worth it as Jeonghan whispered into his ear. 

“Ish o-ay, Ink-yu. I m o-ay. Wee o-ay.”

**Author's Note:**

> I written this some time ago but never finished it. Somehow, I managed to finish it within a day. Let me know what you think, cheers!


End file.
